I wish I could go back to the girl on the right, and shake the shit out of her. I pretended to not give a damn about my weight -- actually, I think that I was convinced that I was in decent shape. I mean, I had been a competitive gymnast, been on competitive dance teams, I was #Fit -- but in reality, I was the most out of shape, I had ever been.
My freshman year of college, I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism [specifically, Hoshimoto's Thyroiditis] I had no real knowledge of the disease, had no idea what was happening inside of my body, and had no clue what I needed to do in order to get better. I was gaining weight, like it was my job. I put on the normal 'freshman 15' (lol 30). I ate like shit, drank every night, and laid around like a bum. The only physical activity I was getting was from dance team practice twice a week. Which was basically just jumping around and spinning in circles.
I remember during my freshman year on the dance team we performed at every football game. We had to wear these ugly *ss uniforms (the yellow looked so terrible against my skin; I hated them.) Anyway, when we picked out what sizes we needed for everything, I naturally said 'size small' because that's all I had ever been. In fact, before college, size small, was often too large. Well, that wasn't the case anymore. I will never forget hearing my coach say "Jessica, you need to go up in size on your top." What the f*ck!? That was easily the worst thing someone could have said to me. But did that stop me from going HAM on some taco bell, McDonalds and whatever else I could get chubby little fingers on? Hell nah.
My doctors even told me that I should start working out and cleaning up my diet - so basically, get off your *ss, and do something. But alas, I continued to not listen to them; continued to blame the disease for my weight gain and depression; Basically, anything that didn't go right in my life, I would blame it on something else.
I hated my body.
Now- fast forward to me giving a sh*t. This transformation was not an overnight deal, unless you consider 4 years 'overnight'. There have been times where I would eat perfectly, and would be #FeelinMyself, and then other times, where I eat an entire pizza and drink all of the beer. All of it.
This is my favorite picture to use as a comparison. It shows me how far I've really come. Between those two photos, there's MAYBE a 17 pound difference. Maybe. Could actually be way less -- closer to 10. That is enough for me to hardly weigh myself. The scale is a liar (that took me way too long to realize.) People get addicted to a variety of things, I was straight up addicted to the scale. It was very unhealthy.
I've recently decided to become a Personal Trainer and Certified Nutritional Coach. It's something that I've considered doing for a long time. And now that I'm finally committed, I am beyond thrilled to continue this journey for myself and help others make and reach their own goals. I don't think I ever realized how much science is behind training. Up until recently, I thought it was as simple as picking the weights up and putting them back down, and then BAM you're stronger.
Each day, I get one step closer to my ultimate goal... not that I really know what that is (other than being a complete bad *ss). I feel so good about myself. I am genuinely happy. I have so much confidence in myself.I love my body.